“I Thought There Was No Way Out for Me”

Jennifer Thought She Was All Alone Until She Realized Someone Believed in Her

 
So, I just started bottling up my feelings. I just felt very depressed because my parents didn’t have time for me. They were always at work. They just said that I was crazy, that no such thing existed.

I tried finding a way to have happiness, whether it be drinking, smoking, and none of that ever helped me, so I thought that there was just no way out for me. And I just wanted to end it all. I didn’t want to feel pain anymore.

I tried to run away sometimes as well because I didn’t want to be with my family, because of the many arguments and physical fights I would see them go through. They would blame me, sometimes they would say, “I wish you were never born. I wished you had died.”

I also had a lot of insecurities and an eating disorder. I would compare myself to other young girls, and I would stop eating, or if I ate, I would go to the bathroom and throw up. I would punish myself if I ate something, and there would be days I would go without eating.

The longest I went without eating was about 5 days. This made my health worse. I ended up having anemia. There was a point when I couldn’t eat even if I tried.

I became very depressed, and I was self-harming, making cuts on both my arms. I wanted to numb my emotional pain. To me, it was a way of letting it out.

I attempted suicide more than once. One day, I took an entire bottle of pills, trying to end my life. When I felt my body getting very cold and began to shake, I regretted it all.

I cried because I knew that committing suicide was a sin. I started crying and praying, asking God for forgiveness. I was telling Him to give me one more chance because I didn’t want to do this. As soon as I did that prayer, I started vomiting all of the pills.

My aunt invited us to The Universal Church. My mother had told her about the problems that we were going through. The physical fights that she and I would get into.

I didn’t want to have anything to do with church. I did not want to hear about it. I did not want to be part of anything, but something told me to just go. And I gave it the opportunity.

I started attending the Chains of Prayer. The pastor would preach that there is a way out of depression. He would talk about everything I was going through.

At first, I did not believe it. I thought the pastor was just crazy and could not have gone through what I went through.

Little by little, as I started attending more, I began to get better and learn more. On the Friday Chain of Prayer, I began going through the deliverance process, receiving strong prayers to cast out all evil spirits that were working against my life. I soon realized that depression is a spirit that attacks the soul and was aiming to make me commit suicide.

Since then, I haven’t missed the Chain of Prayer on Fridays. And I started to notice that the depression was no longer there, that it was gone completely. I no longer had suicidal thoughts, I didn’t have insecurities, and I started accepting myself for who I was, for who God made me, and I started to find my identity.

I also started attending on Wednesdays. I absorbed the messages that the pastor would preach to the people, and I began to understand that I could not do it alone, that I needed the Holy Spirit.

I started not only attending the services but also practicing the Word of God at home, at school, and then in March 2021, I received the Holy Spirit.

There is peace within me. I do not feel alone anymore. I just want to save souls and tell others what God has done for me and what He can do for them. God is forgiving and ready to help with open arms, regardless of what the person has done.

After I received the Holy Spirit, I no longer carry those thoughts of insecurity. I stopped comparing myself to others, and I no longer have those suicidal thoughts. I no longer have depression. I am happy. I feel at peace with myself.

Today, I am full of life. I want to save souls and be used by God. My relationship with my parents got better. They are my best friends today. Before, I couldn’t even look at them.

To the people who are out there depressed, thinking that there is no way out and that suicide is the only way that they can end their pain—That’s not true! There is a way out.

God is the way. Even though they committed many sins, God is still there, extending His hands open and waiting for you to let Him into your life.

—Jennifer