“I Would Cry Myself to Sleep Almost Every Night”

I was put into anger management in elementary school. My family never really took my problems seriously until I got to high school. And then I was hospitalized by the school because I became a threat to myself.

I started cutting myself. I started saying that I was going to commit suicide and tried out my suicidal thoughts and tendencies. So at that point, the school had to get involved. They were mandatory reporters, so I had to go to a hospital. And that was the first time that I went to a psychiatric hospital.

I was on a lot of medication throughout my life, and I had a lot of diagnoses throughout my life. The final diagnosis was bipolar, and I was told, ” This is for life. You’re going to take medication; you’re going to be stable, but it’s never going to leave you. This is for the rest of your life.” And I was given a lot of medication to try to stabilize, but nothing really helped. If it did, it only helped for a little while and then got bad again.

My mom also has mental issues. So because she never got help, it affected me because she wanted to control everything about my life. It always felt like it was her against me. It always felt like I was her enemy. Those times when I wanted my mom, and I just wanted to be able to talk to her and, like, have that love. It wasn’t there.

She would be very judgmental. Basically, I would believe that I was a delinquent because my whole life she was telling me, ” You’re this, you are that.” And I ended up becoming those things.

My grandmother was a witch, so I basically grew up around that. She used to do consultations. She would read cards, and I always went to her because I needed that bit of hope, that bit of knowledge of what was going to happen in the future, just to take the edge off of not knowing.

The more that happened, and the more I got bad mentally, the more I started doing it by myself. Reading my cards, I started doing it. Praying to spirits, I started doing it. And basically, whenever I would pray, I would pray to said spirits. I would ask said spirits; I would give offerings to said spirits.

I was still very depressed. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. And I would not just cry a little; I would cry at the top of my lungs, screaming in my room, just trying to calm down. Health-wise, my body was not doing okay because I was taking so much medication and I was not sleeping.

I was taking medication to sleep, and I still couldn’t sleep. I was taking so much medication that my body just didn’t know how to handle it. So my health was deteriorating too. At that point, I didn’t want to live.

My grandmother knew about The Universal Church from its TV channel and programming, and she used to watch the testimonies of the people. She was like, “Okay, let’s take you to church. This is gonna help.”

When I came to The Universal Church, I realized that for the first time in my life, coming into a church, somebody came to greet me.

Somebody came to ask me, “How are you? How may we help you? What’s the problem you are facing?” And I remember that caught my attention a lot. I would go to other churches and would just sit there and then leave.

I remember the first service I ever went to was a Friday service. And then from then on, I would come on Fridays and Sundays.

Eventually, I was able to stop taking all of my medications. I was doing a lot better. I was a lot happier. I was a lot more content with my life. I was a lot hopeful about my future and my salvation.

But I still had a lot of hatred inside of me, and I had not forgiven my mom. I had not forgiven the people that had hurt me before. I just had a lot of grudges inside of me that I refused to let go of.

The biggest step was forgiving the people who never asked for forgiveness. I decided that the one thing that God had always asked me for, that I was going to give Him, and that I had no other option.

And I gave that hatred. I gave those grudges. I gave that anger. I gave that lack of forgiving my mom and my family. After that, I realized that all of that heavy weight that I had inside of me for so long, all of that pent-up anger, had just disappeared. It wasn’t in my chest anymore. I wasn’t carrying it around everywhere.

Things could happen, and I would immediately be like, “I love you. God bless you. I can’t hold this against you. This is not you.” And I was able to look at things from a different perspective.

Today, I no longer suffer from any of those problems. I’m no longer depressed. I’m no longer experiencing any anxiety or any panic attacks. I feel a lot of relief every day. I don’t have that weight on me of getting mad at every single little thing that happens.

I am married. My husband and I are doing pretty well financially, which I never thought I would be able to say for myself. I also have a lot of relief, a lot of peace within myself.

I don’t have any anger inside of me. Even if something happens, I can say, “Okay, move along.” I don’t hold on to those things anymore. And I always feel relief every time something happens. I have that certainty that it was for the best.

—Maria Isabel
 
 

DISCLAIMER: The Universal Church advises not to dismiss medical treatment. The prayers, elements, and tools of faith are not a replacement for medical treatment but a complement/support to it. Please follow your doctor’s instructions along with using your faith in the Word of God.