“I Wanted to Go to Sleep and Never Wake Up”

Read Tatiane’s Powerful Story

A lot of problems started happening in my parents’ life. Their marriage wasn’t doing so great. They started fighting a lot because my dad would spend a lot of time out of the house because of his work. He would spend weeks out.

I didn’t talk much with my mom. I didn’t like my dad. I didn’t have friends. So I started having thoughts like, “Why was I even born? The good thing would be if I go to sleep and never wake up.”

I had a lot of medicines at home because I needed them. My mom tried to take all of them to commit suicide. She wasn’t able to do it. But another day, she put me in the car, and she started driving because she planned to crash the car and for her and me to end up dead.

Very often, my dad couldn’t go to sleep. So he spent a lot of time at 3 AM watching TV. And that’s when he saw the program of The Universal Church. He invited my mom, and they started attending.

Their marriage changed. My parents stopped fighting the way they used to do. They started having a healthy relationship. I could see the change. Before, my dad was always stressing my mom, and she was always crying. But after, all of that had stopped.

So now we used to hang out together. My parents were having a really healthy relationship. However, I continued being stressed and depressed and didn’t want to talk to anyone because I thought that everybody was a problem and not me.

When I started high school, I started being addicted to pornography. My parents often took me to church with them, and there, I heard of what I had to do to change my life. I learned that only praying to God was not enough, as if expecting that by some magic, my life would change.

So, I told God, “If You’re saying You can make a miracle that can change my life, then I will give You this chance. If there’s something that I need to start doing, then that’s what I’m going to do.”

It wasn’t easy. It was difficult because there were a lot of temptations. There were a lot of negative thoughts, especially when I was praying. Some thoughts would say, “I don’t know why you’re doing this. God is not going to hear you.”

However, even with those thoughts, I started praying harder. I started meditating on the Bible, doing whatever I could, and fasting to get closer to God. I stopped doing all the things that I knew were wrong.

The pastor would always say, “You need the Holy Spirit.” I started noticing how important the Holy Spirit is, and I sought Him wholeheartedly. I didn’t want to be deceived by my own emotions but to truly belong to God.

Of course, I was really happy when I received the Holy Spirit, but the main thing was I just knew that God was with me. He told me, “You’re finally mine after all these years.”

Everything changed. Those depressive thoughts that I used to have disappeared. I didn’t want to die anymore. I felt loved for the first time. And it was a Love that I knew wouldn’t be temporary because I knew God was with me.

I had peace, something that I never had. I don’t hate my dad anymore. Both my parents are my best friends. I have a job I never thought that I would have because I never studied for it.

I don’t need to depend on friends or relationships to feel loved or fulfilled. All of those things are not more important than having the Holy Spirit. I could lose my job. I could lose my parents. But I cannot lose the Holy Spirit because He was the one who completely changed me. He is the one who makes me really happy and is the love of my life.

I’m always at peace—I never imagined feeling like this and being this happy. The Holy Spirit is my biggest treasure!

—Tatiane

DISCLAIMER: The Universal Church advises not to dismiss medical treatment. The prayers, elements, and tools of faith are not a replacement for medical treatment. Please follow your doctor’s instructions while using your faith in the Word of God.