“I Started to Question My Existence”

Read Christopher's Inspiring Story

When I was 16 years old, I remember starting my life being very angry. A lot of it was due to me being obsessed with finding things from the supernatural world. I wanted to know more about how spirits worked, demons and angels, and all that. I wanted to know the difference between them and me and how they were connected to us.

I wanted to know more about God but didn’t really want to know God. For example, I remember feeling very restless at night a lot. And I couldn’t sleep properly. I didn’t have nightmares, but I definitely felt as if I wanted to scream but I couldn’t, nothing came out.

I definitely felt pretty heavy a lot. I started sweating a lot as a teenager for no reason. At that time, I remember I was always nervous about things. I was very paranoid. I was very distrustful of people, especially my parents. And as a result, I started to become more angry towards them. I didn’t want to listen to them in anything at all.

I remember things started to become more physical with my mom. I remember she started to hit me more often and at first, I was scared. But then I started to not be afraid of it. I started to not like it, but I started to be numb to it. And eventually that kind of pain, I didn’t feel anything anymore.

At the time, my friend invited me to The Universal Church, and even though I was coming to church, I never fully accepted what was being taught to me. It was almost as if it was going from one ear and then coming out the other, but it was never entering my mind. I was never taking it seriously. And I realized that I wasn’t taking God seriously. And so how could God take me seriously?

But again, I was blind to that. The lowest point was when I just left entirely, and it affected everything. It got to the point where I didn’t want to be alive anymore. It wasn’t a suicidal thought. I started to question my existence at that point.

My friend told me like, “What is it that you want to do?” I eventually started coming back to church because I was embarrassed by everything. I didn’t really have a good job at the time. I was basically home all the time. It was just darkness. And, I was very lazy in everything.

Until I told God, “I want to be Yours. I want to belong to You.” And I gave all my life to God on the Altar. After that surrender, it was like a bolt of lightning. I had a direction, it was a sense of direction at that point. It was a sense of clarity. I knew what I had to do.

So I started to take things more seriously. I started to participate more in church. I started to listen intently, come more often to the services, and stay longer and help out. And eventually, those small things that were of God started to grow inside of me.

My love life changed. The woman, the girl who brought me to church eventually became my wife, and she truly is a testament and virtuous woman that I want to stand by me and do the work of God completely at all times.

Everything changed. My life changed. My health changed. My mindset changed. My relationship with my parents is complete. And now I love being with my mom, and my mom loves my wife, and she’s the daughter she’s always wanted.

And I feel like now I’m definitely the son that she can be proud of and be happy with. We can always talk about things sincerely without fighting, and everything feels like it’s culminating and coming together. Now that we’re working together and it’s no longer a path of destruction, we don’t feel disconnected from each other.

And of all of these things, the greatest blessing is the Holy Spirit—to have this clarity and understanding of things of God, and the assurance to do the work of God. It is beyond words and an explanation, and it’s all about taking that one step and giving yourself completely to Him, and that peace that you feel that you need and you can’t find anywhere else, it can only be found through Him.

—Christopher