Schedule | - 5:27 pm
When Affection and Effort Are Not Being Reciprocated, What Should You Do?
Paulo: My girlfriend doesn’t respect me. I give her everything, especially attention and affection, but she only mistreats and insults me. Additionally, when we go out, she likes to wear very short clothes and attract the attention of other men. I don’t know what to do.
Cristiane: Paulo, what I have to say is this: end the relationship. She’s not taking it seriously. If you give her attention, affection, and respect, but she doesn’t reciprocate and even insults you, honestly, remember that there’s a word called “end,” and you should use it. A relationship like that has no future. I’m actually embarrassed to say that you need to end this unhealthy relationship. Many people are mistreated and still ask, “What should I do?” You need to be practical: value yourself and end it. You don’t need to keep enduring this.
Renato: Usually, people write to us because they want a magic solution to transform the problematic person into their ideal partner. I imagine that’s exactly what’s happening with you, Paulo: you’d like to tap your girlfriend over the head with a magic wand so she’d stop mistreating you.
Cristiane: I believe you’re attracted to her appearance. Maybe she doesn’t have the substance you’re looking for, but you’d like her to be someone who makes you feel good so much that you hope that, somehow, that will happen.
Renato: However, there’s no point in trying to force someone to change. Dating is meant for getting to know each other and evaluating whether this is the person you want to build a life with. Your time spent with her has already shown that she’s not that person. Unless you enjoy being insulted, mistreated, and disrespected—which, if you do, you might as well marry her.
If you don’t want someone like that, liking her isn’t enough. She also needs to like and respect you. She must put in the minimum effort for the relationship to continue, and she’s clearly not doing that.
Cristiane: You’ve been doing something that’s like poison: you give her everything. That’s not right. She shouldn’t give you everything, and you shouldn’t give her everything. You’re dating, not married. Dating is precisely a period to get to know the other person. If you give her everything, she doesn’t need to do anything.
Renato: When she sees that you like her and do everything for her, she ends up stepping on you. That’s the problem: you can’t do both your part and her part in the relationship. Both people need to participate. It must be a two-way street. You have to give, but you also have to receive. If that’s not happening, then the relationship needs to end. So, Paulo, end this relationship. There are better things ahead for you. She’s not the only person in the world.
Contributors:
Camila Dantas (Translated and Adapted From Original)
