Article | - 1:04 pm
Clinging to Memories of the Past, Many People Have Paralyzed Their Lives. Learn How to Move Forward
Naturally, human beings don’t like to lose. Loss causes a feeling of separation, which, in many cases, is painful and manifests itself either through the absence of a loved one or the loss of a job, a relationship, a company, a dream, or even an amputation. This pain can manifest itself physically, but it usually remains within the person who feels injured, leading to grief.
Psychologist Cássia Nunes Alves explains that “grief is a natural process resulting from the breaking of a significant bond existing in a human being’s life, represented by a loss, such as death, the breaking of a relationship or connections.” During this period, the individual may express a series of feelings, including shock, apathy, sadness, guilt, and helplessness.
As explained by Alves, grief is a process of readjustment to reality, divided into five phases: “denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.” Denial is characterized by the rejection of loss, which can lead to the next phase, which is anger. This feeling can influence the behavior of the mourner, who sees reality as an injustice. The bargaining phase is marked by the desire to do something to reverse that loss. Then, the awareness of reality leads to depression, which is the time of sadness over loss. And finally, acceptance occurs, which is not synonymous with forgetting but rather with moving forward.
Grief can vary due to factors such as the bereaved person’s personality, their experiences of previous losses, the circumstances of the loss, and the existence of a support network. It is important that grief is experienced completely until its acceptance. Otherwise, the pain will become a constant companion. “A person whose grief is poorly healed experiences death in their own life; they become a living person who feels as if they were dead,” explained Bishop Renato Cardoso in the Intelligence and Faith program.
In practice, hiding the pain does not solve the problem; It is necessary to face it so that hope and comfort gain space in the soul. It is worth highlighting that the person who has gone through the experience of loss is not always aware that they are living in a cycle marked by poorly healed grief. Some signs can help identify this situation, such as the feeling of loneliness despite having someone to count on and the act of living life in “autopilot,” without any motivation. “A third sign is resentment against God for allowing the loss. There is the thought: ‘He knew how important this was to me, but He allowed it’. So, the person becomes resentful of God, and many even become atheists because of this. Many who call themselves atheists today are individuals who have become resentful of God because of a loss they never understood,” said the Bishop.
Emotional instability, hallucinations of the person who passed away, and the obsession with getting back what was lost are also signs of poorly healed grief. Identifying these points and recognizing that there is still an open wound are the first steps toward complete healing.
The truth is that it is impossible to go through life without experiencing any type of loss. “Nothing lasts forever; everything has an expiration date. And when a person understands this, it becomes easier for them to go through the grief phase in a way that causes less harm,” explains Psychologist Cássia Nunes Alves.
Although there are no specific statistics on the topic, an article published in 2021 in the magazine Estudos e Pesquisas em Psicologia—from the Institute of Psychology of the State University of Rio de Janeiro (UERJ)—analyzed the condition of parents who lost their small children and concluded that faith is beneficial for overcoming loss. According to the study, religiosity/spirituality can serve as a support and assistance factor, which can contribute to the meaning of loss.
Recognizing this human need, God sent His Spirit to Earth, also known as the Holy Spirit and Comforter, as Bishop Renato explained. “The Holy Spirit helps us see situations from a new perspective, alleviates the pain in our hearts, revives us, and strengthens us to move forward, preserving the good memories of the past and relieving sadness. It provides profound healing for grief,” he affirmed.
However, the role of human beings is to react to pain. It is necessary to be honest with yourself and with God, forgive yourself, free yourself from guilt, and remove your heart from the things of the past. “Some people hold on to the pain because they think they are holding on to what they have lost, but they are deceiving themselves with the pain. We need to say goodbye to the pain so the Holy Spirit can take it away completely,” concluded the Bishop.
Contributors:
Cinthia Cardoso (Translated and Adapted From Original)
