To Give Thanks or Complain?

Our Reactions to Situations Can Be Decisive for Our Physical, Mental, and Relational Health

How do you react when things don’t go as planned? While there are no specific statistics on the subject, a simple observation reveals that most people tend to complain when faced with unexpected problems. Complaining, an expression of discontent or dissatisfaction, has become so common that it is now recognized as harmful to physical and mental health, as well as to relationships.

Brazilian Psychologist Camila Galhego explains one of the impacts of complaining: “When we complain, our body’s cortisol levels—cortisol being the stress hormone—increase, which causes inflammation. Biologically, this makes a person more prone to pain. In some cases, fibromyalgia, a chronic condition that causes widespread pain, can be linked to elevated cortisol levels associated with chronic complaining.”

An article published in 2015 by the American College of Neuropsychopharmacology, an organization of researchers specializing in brain and behavior studies, presented a compilation of research on the impact of cortisol on the human brain. One study highlighted that cortisol has the potential to reduce the hippocampus, an area of the brain related to memory and learning. Therefore, habitual complaining could contribute to damage to this vital organ. “Another characteristic of those who habitually complain is their focus on the negative aspects of life, which leads to sadness, anxiety, and even depression. Many patients develop dysthymia, a chronic form of depression marked by persistent bad mood and negativity,” says Galhego.

With a distorted view of the world and life, habitual complainers often see themselves as victims, never satisfied with what they have. Imagine the energy expended by someone who complains about the weather, traffic, waking up early, their coworkers, their spouse, their home, and so on. The real issue is that all the time spent on perceived negative aspects prevents individuals from seeing and addressing their actual problems, trapping them in a vicious cycle.

Who Likes a Complainer?

In addition to physical and mental problems, those who are addicted to complaining are likely to experience conflicts in relationships, whether professional, personal, or familial. “Naturally, the most negative person causes rejection,” says Galhego. This is understandable, as constantly pointing out others’ flaws or expressing dissatisfaction with their behavior can cause wear and tear in relationships and affect everyone in the same environment.

Negativity can even be contagious. “Most of the time, pessimistic people come from a depressive and negative environment, meaning they have learned to view things negatively. The family environment is particularly influential; when we grow up surrounded by critical and pessimistic people, we are more likely to adopt the same outlook. While complaining at work or among friends may not necessarily influence others, spending significant time in these environments can spread the habit, as we tend to model what we experience,” she explains.

Reshape Your Thoughts

Changing one’s behavior can begin with practicing gratitude, which releases the pleasure hormone in the body. “Mentally, people who practice gratitude tend to be happier, more resilient, less likely to give up, and more successful in life,” Galhego highlights. She adds that those who don’t consider themselves naturally positive can develop this skill by focusing on the little things in life and being grateful for them, paying more attention to what they already have and less to what they lack. “A practical tip is to keep a gratitude journal, where you can write about everything that made you grateful each day,” she suggests.

It’s important to understand that complaints don’t just come from people’s mouths; they start in their thoughts and the way they perceive things. Therefore, change may require the help of a professional who can guide complainers toward recovering their lost positivity. “Through various strategies, people learn to build relationships and have positive experiences, shifting from the idea that nothing works to the belief that things can work out. Changing our thinking changes our behavior and attitudes. Additionally, faith is a great ally, as a relationship with God brings us closer to what is good,” Galhego concludes.