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The ‘Love at first sight’ myth2 min read

love at first sight

A recent study from The University of Chicago confirms what The Love School has been teaching for quite a while: There is no such thing as love at first sight. Sorry, romantic ones, but it’s difficult to rebut Science.

Specialists concluded that what may happen at first sight is mere sexual attraction, a desire stimulated by the visual image, odour, or even the voice of the other person. It is what we call passion. However, this feeling does not always develop into love. It is possible, for instance, to feel attracted to someone and yet, after getting to know the person better, completely lose the interest.

Therefore, it is impossible for love to happen at first sight. Love is developed through the course of time as people get to better know each other, discover the qualities of one another and then decide, “I want to spend the rest of my life with this person.”

I have first-hand experience on the subject: I did not fall in love with Cristiane at first sight. However, I have fallen in love with her numerous times in the course of these 24 years of marriage. What happened with me is something very common among couples: At first, there seems to be no interest from one or both parties, but after getting to know each other for a while, the feeling appears, which means that passion does not always happen in the beginning of a relationship.

Consider some repercussions about this:
• If you are in love with someone, the roller coaster of emotions may lead you to choose and marry someone you don’t really love.
• If you dismiss someone only because you have not felt “love at first sight” or the so-called “chemistry” did not happen on the first date, you could be losing the love your life.
• You may be married for years and get to a point where the initial passion is not on edge as it used to be—then you think that “love” is gone (because people easily mistake passion for love).

The consequences of each of these scenarios can be disastrous: A bad marriage, a lost love, unnecessary divorce. We’re not talking about small problems here.

That is why love must be intelligent. It is crucial to use the head and not only the heart when it comes to love. At times, even be callous to whatever the heart has to say about your choice, since it is a source of irresponsible decisions. When your head is in control, it is much more likely you will succeed at the beginning of your relationship, in your decision to get married and through the years of your marriage.

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